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- Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
- Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf-esteem.
- Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
- Q. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A. Fleece Navidad!
- Q. If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A. A subordinate Claus.
- Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
- Q. What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A. Pour Santaflush on him.
- Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
- Q: Why do reindeer have red noses?
A: They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things
on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose
(the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).
- Q: Why does Santa use Elves?
A: There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.
- Q: Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A: Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves,
reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference
seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to have some problems
finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer,
though.
- Q: Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A: Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the
North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known
to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up
north. Obviously, this is related to the cryptic description "up
where the sun don't shine", which applies to both the North Pole
and assholes in general.
- Q: Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A: Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it
say "Made on the North Pole"? ("Made in China",
more likely)
- Q: Then what does he DO all year?
A: Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he spends
his winters in Florida.
- Q: Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A: Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty attitude
(he doesn't take stress too well).
- Q: If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy
(given the fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A: Little angels are known to be kinky.
- Q: Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A: Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 submachine guns.
- Q: So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man who
exploits little Elves, fools around all day, and drives around in a
sleigh that lacks basic security measures?
A: You forgot about the bestiality thing.
- Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
- Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
- Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
- Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
- Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!
- Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
- Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
- Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer 'Olive'?
A: Olive?
Q: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and
call him names..."
A: There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.
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